


Nori's Boot Camp

by Aloneindarknes7



Series: A Hobbit's Collection of Tales [1]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack, I Blame Tumblr, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-03
Updated: 2013-07-03
Packaged: 2017-12-17 12:43:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/867683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aloneindarknes7/pseuds/Aloneindarknes7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One-shot. Dwarvicise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nori's Boot Camp

**Author's Note:**

> I blame this fic completely on my idea that I had upon seeing this;  
> http://aloneindarknes7.tumblr.com/post/54388285925/omgaidawtf-ofbadmornings-drop-it-drop-it-low 
> 
> Also, I blame this on being a rower and therefore all the spandex shorts.

“I told you that last week was my last time.” Bilbo protested as he snatched his hand back from Bofur.

“Yeah, but you say that every time.” Bofur reminded.

“I meant it this time.” Bilbo placed his hands on his hips. “My body is still aching from last week.”

“It would probably feel better if you did the class more than once a week.” Bofur suggested.

“No way, I don’t know how you all do it.” Bilbo shook his head as he glanced at the Ur family.

“I reward myself after the class with a big lunch.” Bombur smiled and patted his stomach. “I work up an appetite, after all.”

“Bifur just does whatever he thinks is fun at the moment.” Bofur chuckled as he patted his cousin’s shoulder. “Last class he wouldn’t stop alternating between jumping jacks and squats.”

“Yes, well,” Bilbo stopped outside of the windows leading into the exercise room. “You three have fun. I’ll walk on the treadmill until you’re all done.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re not going to want to miss this class.” Bofur smirked.

“Nothing you can say will get me through that door. I’ve made up my mind and when a Baggins’ mind is made up, it is final.” Bilbo explained.

“Thorin is wearing spandex shorts.” Bofur pointed out, looking through the windows of the room. 

Bilbo’s face flushed and he peeked into the room. Sure enough, Thorin was clad in spandex that clung to his shapely backside and ended halfway down his thighs. It left little to the imagination. 

Bofur held the door open for Bilbo. “After you,” he chuckled even as Bilbo cursed at him and entered the room to take his usual position in the back row, conveniently behind Thorin. Bofur grinned next to him but Bilbo was no longer paying him any attention. Besides, Bilbo knew that Bofur’s eyes might wander around the room but they always ended up on Dwalin. 

Even though Bilbo was correct, Bofur’s eyes didn’t stray to the others so much for the same reason that they went to Dwalin. Bofur simply liked to watch others interact especially when they thought they weren’t being watched. 

Normally Balin was the definition of a proper gentledwarf but during the warm-up toe touches, Balin had no shame when he ogled Dori’s ass. Bofur loved that everyone who seemed to have an ulterior motive to the class stood behind the reason why they were willingly sweating buckets of sweat for an hour. 

Of course Dori and Ori came to support their brother since Nori had finally found something that he was good at and enjoyed doing (causing others pain in a legal sense). Dori also liked that his backside was toning up since he always requested more squats to help tone his thighs a bit more when Nori asked for suggestions. Ori, bless the small dwarf, was the most enthusiastic during the class and always had a new sweatband wrapped around his head each class. The three stood in the middle towards the front of the class so that they could be seen and followed while they faced the mirrors. Nori was the only one coordinated enough to sometimes turn around to face the class and not miss a step of whatever they were doing at the time. 

Fili and Kili stood directly behind the Ri brothers only due to their blatant crushes. Fili would always make sure that he partnered up with Nori whenever they had to do partner exercises like baby carries or partner sit-ups. Kili had cursed his brother the first time Fili had left him stranded but when it had left him to partner up to Ori he had blessed Fili for being so brilliant since everyone knew that this was the only time Dori would allow Ori to be panting and sweating under Kili. 

Gloin and Oin, like Bombur and Bifur, just actually enjoyed the class. It was something different for their workout routines of weights, fighting, sparring, and more weights. It was likely the only kind of cardio exercises they participated in when Nori had them running in place or doing high knees. Bofur knew that Thorin and Dwalin were both in the class because they had bet against one another to back out of the class first due to embarrassment. A bet against their pride for their pride made sure that both of them would be at each and every class Nori held. 

The others in the class, well, Bofur wasn’t too sure since he never really talked to any of the orcs and especially not the elves. Although he had heard rumor that Azog was trying everything to get a bikini ready body and considering the pale orc spent the first few minutes after class examining himself in the mirrors of the room, Bofur thought the rumor might hold some truth. Bofur had no interest in asking Beorn why he was taking the class since the giant always entered already sweaty. 

Bofur had first started to come to the class because he thought it would be a fun way to exercise with Bilbo. Now he stayed for the particular eye-candy that a sweaty, snarly Dwalin made. Also, he stayed for solidarity because the class truly was good for Bilbo despite how the hobbit would swear every class would be the death of him. 

“Alright,” Nori smirked at the class. “Welcome to your own personal hell.” 

Normally this was when Bilbo would lean over to whisper to Bofur, “Never forget how much I hate you.” Surprisingly, this routine was broken. Bofur glanced at Bilbo only to end up biting his tongue to stop from laughing at the mesmerized look Bilbo had on his face as he seemed to be concentrating on Thorin’s spandex clad ass. 

Bofur kept glancing over throughout the class to see that Bilbo’s body was on auto-pilot as it went through the exercise motions because Bilbo’s eyes and thoughts never left Thorin. When the class ended, Bofur clapped Bilbo on the back. “Good job today, Bilbo.” He smirked as that finally seemed to break Bilbo’s concentration. Luckily, everyone expected Bilbo to be red in the face.

“I must admit, it was a surprise not hearing all of your grumbling for one class.” Thorin commented as he turned around. Bilbo was classy enough to let his eyes drop down to Thorin’s front only for a second before focusing on looking Thorin in the eyes.

“I think we should all celebrate Bilbo’s success by grabbing some beers tonight. First round will be my treat.” He offered and then smiled at Dwalin. “If you play your cards right you might just get all your drinks paid for, big boy.” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Dwalin stared at Bofur before a wide smirk split his face. “I wondered why you never stood in your brother’s row.”

“It’s a good view from back here, isn’t that right, Bilbo?” Bofur nudged his friend.

Bilbo smacked Bofur’s arm and the dwarf laughed. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Thorin asked, turning to Dwalin.

“I’ll explain over drinks tonight.” Dwalin clapped a hand to Thorin’s back and began to lead him out of the class. “Try not to enjoy us leaving too much, boys.”

No promises!” Bofur called out, watching as the others left before throwing his fist triumphantly into the air. 

“Did you just get us a double date while covered in sweat? Was this the first time Thorin’s actually even spoke to me? Are we honestly having more success at relationships than Nori and Fili when Nori is currently straddling Fili to help him with a so called stretch?” Bilbo frowned as he shook his head. “I need sweets and now.”

“That’s the spirit!” Bofur grinned and went to gather his family before heading to the bakery Bombur always insisted on stopping at after a good workout.


End file.
